Eye of the Storm
I've been very sick the last week. It snowed. My building's water pressure was messed up. I've had work and deadlines to deal with. There was rent to pay and laundry to do, appointments to make, and people to talk to. Aka... a rough week. But I felt like I was in the eye of the storm. Although I had a lot to do and was too sick to really want to do anything other than sleep, at the base of it all I realized that I am more at peace with myself - who I am, what I need, and what I want to do - that I have been in a very long time. Perhaps even since entering adulthood. It's such a great feeling to have the confidence to ask someone for what I need without feeling guilty or needy or somehow in the wrong. It's good to be assured of my own self worth. And it's such a huge pressure off my shoulders not to be so worried about judgement, from anyone and everyone, EVERY day, all day. I am 27 years old and feel like I just finally, recently, came into myself. Became an adult. Became me. If you're still floundering to find peace within, find home, find confidence, love, acceptance, stability... I really urge you not to let yourself become hopeless. No matter how old you are. Because, eventually, you will feel whole in your skin. It's going to take years, and it's going to continue to take work even after you have found that foundation of balance. But it will happen. And, I can tell you, from being in it right now, it's worth the fight. It's a beautiful, peaceful, hum of inner calm. And no matter how much the world rages around you, bad days, bad people, illness or stress, it's there for you to come back to, at your roots, at your core, in your heart. I cry a lot. I get panic attacks. I worry. I get insecure. I am so so so so so so so not perfect. But you know what? I'm ok with that. I accept myself. And accepting myself means I don't need to be fazed by people you don't accept me. I don't need their validation or approval. Instead I can focus on encouraging trust and love and support with my friends, family, and self-- in relationships that matter, that encourage growth, and that make life more enjoyable. Because, in the end, isn't that what we all want: To live independently, yet knowing we're surrounded by people who love us, and will help us whenever the need arises. To laugh when we're happy and cry when we're sad, without shame or judgement. And to live boldly, content within our own skin.
