I understand that the holidays are stressful for everyone. But something about the combo of groups of people, festive pressure, travel, expected conversation, and disjointed sadness when all was done, just killed me as a kid. Still troubles me now... I mean, really, for me the "holiday season" might as well be called "panic attack season" but at least now I'm aware enough to work through the stress and still enjoy family and friends rather than completely mentally/emotionally
When I was a little girl I would always stand with my toes pointed in. This was a constant source of frustration to my mother, myself, and my gymnastic teacher. I cannot tell you how many times I heard the words snapped at me, “Don’t stand with your toes in”. After which, I would correct my positioning... only to find myself right back that way after only a minute or two. I think on that often, and it makes me want to cry. I know my mother was trying to do right by me, fix my
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A year from now I will be embarking on a physical journey— one that will send me over seas through numerous countries, far from home. In this next year, however, leading up to that trip, I want to focus on my mental health journey. It’s been a long - LONG - road getting to be as self-satisfied and stable as I am now, but I know that it’s still not reached its end. I know that every day develops individually as a step back or a step forward for in my ability to enjoy my life.
I've been very sick the last week. It snowed. My building's water pressure was messed up. I've had work and deadlines to deal with. There was rent to pay and laundry to do, appointments to make, and people to talk to. Aka... a rough week. But I felt like I was in the eye of the storm.
Although I had a lot to do and was too sick to really want to do anything other than sleep, at the base of it all I realized that I am more at peace with myself - who I am, what I need, and wh